I’ve never considered myself the “gangster” type (although I do look cute in a fedora hat). But after reading a recent article on MSNBC.com I’m wondering if I should change my blog’s name to the “Self-Made Mobster.”
The article focuses on how having babies can alter a woman’s friendships. An excerpt:
As lives evolve, so do priorities. Some childless women complain their friends with children turn into mommy machines — always wanting to talk about their babies and resembling very little of their former fun selves.
Who, me? Not fun anymore? The article then interviewed a woman, Lisa Giassa, who saw many of her friends get sucked into what she calls a ”mommy mafia.” She says:
“All they do is talk — more like complain — about their kids, their husbands, dramas with teachers and other mommy mafia members.â€
Upon further reading of the “mommy mafia” type, it seems that I am not only a member, but could easily be a reputable gang leader. I organize play groups, complain about my son, talk about my husband, and more often than not, go days without calling my non-mom friends back or give them only specific times that I can talk. No wonder they’ve stopped calling. I wouldn’t want to be associated with me either.Â
I’ve become dangerous. I participate in the organized crimes of kvetching about my son’s first birthday plans or how tired I am. Come too close to me, and you’ll be shot with a tirade of the woes of working motherhood. If you make plans with me, we usually have to meet in a location where I’m comfortable and on my terms. In my inner sanctum are those who have been through the pains of labor and kiddie puke.
When you’re in such a position of power, greed and selfishness you can lose sight of reality. (Wait, I missed your wedding?). So how do I get out? I’m not sure. Becoming a mom IS like joining an exclusive gang that goes way beyond just hand signals and tatoos. I probably could do a better job of maintaining my contacts with the outside. But I’m not convinced that being a part of the mommy mafia is a bad thing. I think it just means that my connections and the way I work is different now. I’ll try to do better, I really will. But if I don’t succeed, well then, I’m going to just Fuhgeddaboutit.
Technorati Tags: mommy mafia, mom friends, balance
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Geez, I guess I’m in the mommy mafia, too. Who knew? I still have a few non-mom friends left. And I REALLY try to not tell them all about Cassie’s poop, naps, and feeding schedule. But I also try not to be too hard on myself if I do.
This is hysterical!! I wanted to come in here and say hi. I came up with the term “mommie mafia” because I live in jersey
actually 10 minutes away from the strip club from the Sopranos called The Bada Bing (I’ts really called
Satin Dolls). The name came to me when I became frustrated with my so called friends who seemed to been part of a
awful suburban myth where aliens come in the night, take your brain and in its place impregnate.
These were college graduates and they had turned into these judgemental morons. All they cared about whae
what the other mommy mafia members were wearing, where they were vactioning, what husband bought the
new (car, diamond etc etc) then they in the next breath would complain about their husbands. I’d
have zero to contribute. I make my own money, spend it as I want. The husband and I split everything
50/50. We had our isues but when faced with true adversity we rose above and came out stronger for it.
The mommy mafia didn’t like this one bit. You see the mafia wants everyone trapped and miserable. Even the leader
secretly longs for another kind of life. So the more they long for this other life, the more they
encourage others to stick by them and wallow in the same misery.
Well not me. I like the moms who deal with their kids but also have lives of their own beyond their kids.
These are the moms who leave their kid with the husband so they can go out with the girls until 3 in
the morning. They look good and would never dare let themselves go.
The only people who truly really care about the intricate details of your kids are you kids and you.
Mayyybe the kids father, but usually they just want the topline details too.
I think there are two camps. The parents who have a life beyond their kids and the parents whose
entire existence revolves around the planetary alignment surroundin their precious child.
I dumped my mommie mafia friends because child free people like me tend to get WHACKED for
speaking their mind among such a mafia. In doing so I attracted new friends. Some have kids
and you’d never know it because that part of their life is separate from the life they have
with me and the other adults in our crew. It’s like something that lingers in the background.
The kids are never included in the plans. We appreciate that our friends would never think to ask us to
attend their 3 year olds birthday. And they appreciate that our home offers them an adults only
escape to hang out and relax and speak in adult tongue.
Hey look I live a rated R lifestyle and I love it. Others find bliss in the rated PG or G. To each
their own. At the end of the day we all need friends but most of all we all need friends of
like mind.