There is a movement taking over motherhood. It has nothing to do with staying at home or working, and everything to do with looking hot and loving it. Ultra-feminist at best, tacky at worst, the MILF movement is sweeping the nation. From coast-to-coast, online and off, mothers are trying their best at a chance to best to be sexy.
Two New York Magazine writers commented on this trend in a recent article. They question the movement and it’s timing “…why the hot mom and why now?” I agree with their rationale that is has something to do with women having babies later in life and the need to rebel against traditional mommy stereotypes. I think we can all agree that there’s nothing sexy about June Cleaver.
Or me. I am not MILF-y.
I may be at my pre-baby weight, and I may not look a day over 28 (I’m hanging on to my twenties, here, people.) But I’m nowhere near the hotness of Stifler’s mom or Kathleen Clearly of “The Wedding Crashers.” I could never utter the words “kitty cat” with a straight face. My chest is flatter than it was before I had my son and I only wear sweats to bed. I’m about as hot as Dora the Explorer. Thinking that I need to do something about my lack-o-sexiness, I decided to poke around town to see how I could improve my va-va-voom. The results? There’s lots you can do if you want to be a MILF in the Windy City.
- MILFs must have very toned abs. I need to spice up my workouts a bit, so I might listen to the pro Chicago trainer Jim Karas and try his “cardio free” diet. Or, I may just sit on my couch and watch the season finale of “The Bachelor.” Both, I assure you, will be equally stimulating for my heart.
- I don’t have very many MILF-y accessories, and I like to shop, so I may stroll to The Pleasure Chest in Lakeview. It caused waves when it moved to my ‘hood, but getting sexy without having to drive somewhere sounds very pleasurable to me.
- MILFs and strip teases go together like Barney and purple. So if I want to get sexy, I’d better learn how to move my booty. My friend tipped me off to Arabesque, also known as home of the burlesque dancer on “America’s Got Talent.” (You know you watched it too.) What size pasties do you think I’d wear?
- Finally, every good MILF needs a pouty lip. I’m all for the au natural look, and thanks to Annie at Time Out Chicago, I can get it with this incredible sounding new lip gloss. Plus, it’s called Oxymoron, which is what me trying to be a MILF really is.
Tags: Arabesque, Cardio Free Diet,, MILF,, Pleasure Chest,, Time Out Chicago
—————————————————————
Cross-posted at Chicago Moms Blog. We’ve got some great stuff over there so now go on, get!
{ 1 trackback }
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
s – you are just too damn funny. this is by far, one of my favorite posts you’ve written. perfect balance of snark and honesty:)
Today, I think I’d rather be a “Mother I’d Like to Finance”. Where is a financial benefactor when you need one?
Sounds to me like you missed one of the best post-pregnancy treats – the skin pouch. It has nothing to do with the weight and everything to do with my lovely little baby stretching my belly behind the limits of elasticity. The only one who probably (hopefully?) considers me a MILF is my husband. And his options are limited.
You really are a great writer!! And I love the comments above. Ha!
Steph
P.S.
Be sure to enter my really awesome giveaway going on from Mason & Matisse- you could win $120 in Skip Hop gear!
Laughing so hard at the MILF thing! Also, what is it with the mothers of teenagers that also want
to dress JUST like them? I mean – I will never be caught dead in a track suit for
lounge wear but I won’t also be winning Hooch of the Year either!
Hey, I prefer “yummy mummy.” I live in an area with a lot of contractors and honestly, when I’m trying to cross the street, it helps to be wearing a pretty dress and heeled sandals because then Joe Huge Landscaping Truck stops and let me walk across the intersection as I’m holding my daughter’s hand.
Unfortunately the reason I think we get a lot of inappropriately-dressed moms out here is because lots of them are newly single, and it can be really hard to figure out how to dress appropriately when you’re looking for a boyfriend AND you’ve got kids.
Have a girls nite out party. Your friends, wine and sex toys you can play with before you buy.
Let me know. I am the sextoygoddess!!! Your blog is really great. Even my husband reads it.
We’re all bunch of MILFs even without the pouty lips and stripteasing. We grew, birthed, and are raising humans. That is the hotness. The rest is just details.