I used to think I was cool when I had nonstop conference calls. I used to relish in meeting after meeting. I used to dramatize every late night, every busines trip, every important person I met on the job.Â
LOOK HOW IMPORTANT I AM I would exude to the world.
Even I couldn’t keep up with my busy self.
No more. I’m throwing away my busy badge of honor. I don’t think it’s cool anymore to be sooo busy. Soo busy with the blog, that is. I’m having another bloggy breakdown.
I don’t think it’s so exhilarating anymore to stay up late working on css sheets I don’t really understand. I don’t find a lot of joy waking up feeling like I’ve had a hangover because I was up late cranking out blog posts. I don’t like it that I don’t have time to sit and talk to my friends because I am writing. Because I feel I have to write to keep up with the masses.Â
That’s not what blogging is about. This is not what I’m about.
And something’s gotta give.
I’m not the only one who feels this way. My friend Jill over at Silicon Valley Moms Blog is taking a much needed (and deserved) break from her blog to tend to her paying job and family. Not that she doesn’t love the blogosphere. The blogosphere is seriously awesome.  She just had “the talk” with her family (my talk ended up with rules, so I get it) and they asked her to tone it down a bit for a little while.  As Amy put Jill’s hiatus so brilliantly:
… we cannot expect, in life, to get something for nothing. And something we pay with our time or our privacy.
I’m paying with my time. My precious, sweet time. I haven’t even been blogging a year, and I’m exhausted from it. More exhausted than from my 1.5 year old. What is that saying? I like to write, I like to meet people, I like to have these conversations. But I also like my non-existent spare time, which is increasingly less existent with every moment I blog.
I know us moms, including myself, pride ourselves on being busy and “doing it all” but to what end? Why do we boast that we’re so tied up we can’t watch our favorite TV shows? Why do we joke (non-kiddingly, of course) that we don’t have time to get our haircut, eyebrows tweezed or take the laundry in? I haven’t read a book in 3 months and a newspaper in a week. That’s not something to brag about.  My latest posts have been nonstop bitching. I’m lethargic at work. I have come to realize that there are things I can control, and things I can’t. I can’t control how much work my boss gives me. I can’t control if my nanny decides to quit.Â
But I can control how I spend my non-working free time. I can decide to put away the computer for an evening (or two or three) and veg on the couch. I can clean up those closets that are long overdue, pull the dead plants that are rotting on my doorstep and take all my newspapers to the recycling bin.Â
It’s still not that easy being green.
I don’t want the happiness that I get from my blog and writing to end. But I can’t keep up with all of it at this blog-breaking pace. I’m an all-or-nothing kind of gal. I don’t like to do anything half-assed. But I don’t know how you all do it. How you make your blogs so great, go to work AND mother! That’s why I’ll be the first to admit it here:
 I cannot do it all.
I don’t know what this quite means yet. This is the first time I’m admitting this OUT LOUD. I just know that I need to slow down for just a bit. Take my own break. Blog on my own terms, not by what I think this bloggy-crazed world thinks makes sense. This isn’t a death knell. I’m just being as honest as I can be with all my clothes on.
Maybe I’ll just start to blog about how I’m spending my non-blogging time.
I mean, I can’t quit this nonsense altogether, can I? Can you all save me from my breakdown?
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
I’ve actually had fleeting thoughts the past couple days about just walking away from my blog and being done with it. That kinda helped me set it in a different perspective. I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer for any of us here- just do what comes natually and what feels best for you. I am not as busy as you and I’ve felt suffocated lately by pressure to do it all… thinking of you!
Steph
It happens to everyone at some point, don’t worry!
Just step away for a bit, and, we’ll be here when you get back.
No shame in taking a break before it breaks you. Mothering, working, living – it’s all about balance, right? Sometimes you need to step back to find that again. I bet after some time away (whether that’s a day, a week, a month, whatever), you’ll be refreshed, inspired and armed with a new approach to ensure you don’t lose your mind!
Well, I am sorta in the same boat, kind of just skimming over everything at the momemt. I bitch about my 55-60 hr. average work week, but the reality is I am fooling myself. In those hours, and the wee hours of the morning and night I am working, blogging, housecleaning, cooking, and fretting about my infertility. It’s just a big blob of everything. If I drop blogging, something else will inevitably take its place, and not necessarily something productive for sure.
I don’t know the answer, except to say I am good at things in cycles, and not all things at the same time…. so it evens out over time. I guess that’s how I manage to stay sane, and I think a little of that theory applies to all of us Moms.
Hang in there!
I’m with busy mom – you’re at the 12 month itch. Step away (those abuse rules are great by the way – I could use a few of those) and you’ll come back with a system that works better for you. Pare down your rss list, write less frequently, comment less…whatever you have to do. While we’re your friends (“friends?” friends.) you have real life to be accountable to and that’s more important.
I’ve been going through a bit (ok, a lot) of this myself. It’s tricky business. But I think blogging naturally has ebbs and flows, so — I think most everyone takes a little downtime now and again.
Hang in there, and don’t forget there are a bunch of us that totally get it.
12 month itch! That’s what I had. I am constantly conflicted about the blogging, but for me it’s about the writing. I love the writing. The only way I can do the amount of thinking about topics and blogging that I do now is that I’ve taken a hiatus from a lot of projects for a new, big one I want to work on. I end up re-evaluating almost every few days. Hang in there. You’ll find the right path for you. And we’ll still be there. I think that’s the great thing about us bloggers!
That’s the problem with the work/life blogosphere. With certain notable exceptions, no one has time to blog. *sigh*
As a reader, FYI: when you regard blogging as a chore, it comes through in the posts. Maybe you should take a little break? Oh and ditto what Busy Mom said: I’m not going anywhere.
Is it just me or isn’t blogging something to be enjoyed? If you’re not enjoying it because of the time constraints then I certainly say a break is in order. I know for me, blogging just gets it out of my brain and off my husband’s plate. But then 1) I just started recently and 2) I don’t even pretend to have cohesive content that others enjoy reading. Enjoy your hiatus should you chose to take one.
I love coming here and reading because you are one of the very few blogs with one contributor that I read routinely and updates daily. While it is good for me and my downtime at work, I don’t know how you do it. I aim to update my personal blog 3-4 times a week and the one I actually get paid for with my local newspaper I am under contract to update 3x a week. I can handle this… right now.
Take back some of your time. I will still read if you drop your postings and I will be here reading if you choose to take a hiatus. Good luck!
Girl, go take a long bath and come back whenever you feel like it! If I can even update my blog three times a week, I am happy. Twice is pretty good and once is better than nothing! Do what you have to do…which sounds like take a nap!
I think we all go through this. It is hard to find the time. I know that I had to break in July. I just said… what am I doing. This is begining to feel like work.
Get some rest and enjoy your break. We are only human. We cannot do it all, regardless of our mommy status!
Hugs,
Shannan
Last week, I was starting to feel like my computer was becoming an extension of my hand. Just taking a few nights away was helpful. I’m in PR too and honestly don’t know how you do agency work, plus the mommy thing, PLUS the (almost) daily blogging thing. You might be interested in some of the posts on my blog (Just Say No and Mothers Against Martyrdom at http://upwithmoms.blogspot.com) that are about loosing the guilt and choosing balance. When I established my blog, in the spirit of balance, I made the conscious decision to only post once a week. Sometimes I post twice a week, sometimes I post once every two weeks. But it balances out. Enjoy your hiatus — try to make it a guilt-free one!
The minute blogging becomes a chore for me, I’m taking a break. The great thing about blogging is that there really isn’t any “rules”. At least to me anyway. You can decide to quit (which I hope you don’t!), take a break (which sounds like it’s much needed) or decide to just post here and there. Good luck to you!
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