Comments on: A different kind of mommy guilt http://www.selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/ Off-Ramped and Unbalanced Tue, 31 Jan 2012 05:00:49 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: crabbymommy http://www.selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/comment-page-1/#comment-1547 crabbymommy Tue, 12 Feb 2008 18:46:42 +0000 http://selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/#comment-1547 Having a nanny or a maid, as I look at it, is more for the mother's sanity and if one can afford it then there's nothing wrong with it. I have one but I am there for every single thing for my daughter, more than any mommy I know..so it's wrong to think that a nanny is something of an indulgence that will distance the mother from the child. It's better for the child to have a mommy who gets to do her own thing sometimes. Happy mommy = Happy baby. Having a nanny or a maid, as I look at it, is more for the mother’s sanity and if one can afford it then there’s nothing wrong with it. I have one but I am there for every single thing for my daughter, more than any mommy I know..so it’s wrong to think that a nanny is something of an indulgence that will distance the mother from the child.

It’s better for the child to have a mommy who gets to do her own thing sometimes.

Happy mommy = Happy baby.

]]> By: Sasha http://www.selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/comment-page-1/#comment-1544 Sasha Tue, 05 Feb 2008 01:37:30 +0000 http://selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/#comment-1544 We mummies will find something to be guilty about in EVERY situation. But I agree with those who say that if you have the chance to take some regular 'me' time, for a few hours a week, then take that chance and run with it. A de-stressed mummy is a good mummy. We mummies will find something to be guilty about in EVERY situation. But I agree with those who say that if you have the chance to take some regular ‘me’ time, for a few hours a week, then take that chance and run with it. A de-stressed mummy is a good mummy.

]]> By: Alex Elliot http://www.selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/comment-page-1/#comment-1545 Alex Elliot Mon, 04 Feb 2008 23:37:47 +0000 http://selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/#comment-1545 I wouldn't feel guilty about it all. I always ask myself "Does doing x make me a better mom?" Everyone needs a break and the amount and lengths of the breaks are different for each mom. I think they can also be different for each child too. In a paid job you get breaks, right? People can be very quick to judge. Apparently someone took my post I did on my teenage babysitting program and the Field Museum seriously. I wouldn’t feel guilty about it all. I always ask myself “Does doing x make me a better mom?” Everyone needs a break and the amount and lengths of the breaks are different for each mom. I think they can also be different for each child too. In a paid job you get breaks, right? People can be very quick to judge. Apparently someone took my post I did on my teenage babysitting program and the Field Museum seriously.

]]> By: Robyn http://www.selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/comment-page-1/#comment-1551 Robyn Mon, 04 Feb 2008 17:46:04 +0000 http://selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/#comment-1551 The way I see it is that mommy guilt is nearly impossible to escape. So do what's right for you and don't think too much about the guilt. The way I see it is that mommy guilt is nearly impossible to escape. So do what’s right for you and don’t think too much about the guilt.

]]> By: Nicole http://www.selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/comment-page-1/#comment-1535 Nicole Fri, 01 Feb 2008 19:39:59 +0000 http://selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/#comment-1535 It's hard to tell you not to feel guilty, but don't get caught up in the negative comments for sure. In my totally inexperienced opinion, since I am lucky enough to have family, besides the “me time” I think if you can afford it, it's great to have a babysitter your kid really knows and likes. So when you need a babysitter for a date night, trip to the doctor, whatever, you don't have to scramble and end up with a new person, which would likely worry you more. One tip, though, borrow another kid for a while, and taking one to the grocery will seem like a breeze  It’s hard to tell you not to feel guilty, but don’t get caught up in the negative comments for sure. In my totally inexperienced opinion, since I am lucky enough to have family, besides the “me time” I think if you can afford it, it’s great to have a babysitter your kid really knows and likes. So when you need a babysitter for a date night, trip to the doctor, whatever, you don’t have to scramble and end up with a new person, which would likely worry you more.
One tip, though, borrow another kid for a while, and taking one to the grocery will seem like a breeze 

]]> By: Shannon http://www.selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/comment-page-1/#comment-1537 Shannon Fri, 01 Feb 2008 19:10:17 +0000 http://selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/#comment-1537 As stupid as this sounds, I feel like a lot of the guilt and judgement would go away if you started referring to her as a "babysitter" and not a "nanny." To me, the term "nanny" implies that a SAHM is delegating all the childcare to some other person, in favor of too much "me" time. (Maybe this belief comes from the book/movie The Nanny Diaries.) This does not seem to be what you're doing with a babysitter who comes a few hours a week. I mean, if you don't have family in the area, and your husband works a lot of hours, you sometimes NEED to have a babysitter in order to get some stuff done. There are just some things you CAN'T bring a child to. I hardly think anybody thinks going to the grocery store counts as "me" time. How self-indulgent is a trip to the Jewel? As stupid as this sounds, I feel like a lot of the guilt and judgement would go away if you
started referring to her as a “babysitter” and not a “nanny.” To me, the term “nanny” implies
that a SAHM is delegating all the childcare to some other person, in favor of too much “me”
time. (Maybe this belief comes from the book/movie The Nanny Diaries.) This does not seem to be
what you’re doing with a babysitter who comes a few hours a week. I mean, if you don’t have
family in the area, and your husband works a lot of hours, you sometimes NEED to have a babysitter
in order to get some stuff done. There are just some things you CAN’T bring a child to. I
hardly think anybody thinks going to the grocery store counts as “me” time. How self-indulgent is a trip
to the Jewel?

]]> By: April http://www.selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/comment-page-1/#comment-1536 April Fri, 01 Feb 2008 18:58:09 +0000 http://selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/#comment-1536 See now from the working mom side of things I can't imagine being home with my kids and letting someone else care for them. But that is my narrow perspective based on my experience. But I also couldn't live without my housecleaner or THE top notch daycare and preschool... so you pick what is right for YOU. If it works for you, then go with it! And without the guilt! Save the guilt for something good... spending too much on a pair of wonderful shoes, for example. ;-) See now from the working mom side of things I can’t imagine being home with my kids and letting someone else care for them. But that is my narrow perspective based on my experience. But I also couldn’t live without my housecleaner or THE top notch daycare and preschool… so you pick what is right for YOU.

If it works for you, then go with it! And without the guilt! Save the guilt for something good… spending too much on a pair of wonderful shoes, for example. ;-)

]]> By: Susan http://www.selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/comment-page-1/#comment-1543 Susan Fri, 01 Feb 2008 18:36:51 +0000 http://selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/#comment-1543 We moms feel guilty about EVERYthing, don't we? I think as long as our kids are well-cared for, we have nothing to feel (legimately) guilty about. So if you're out and about while your son is with a good nanny, it's all good. We moms feel guilty about EVERYthing, don’t we? I think as long as our kids are well-cared for, we have nothing to feel (legimately) guilty about. So if you’re out and about while your son is with a good nanny, it’s all good.

]]> By: Emily http://www.selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/comment-page-1/#comment-1540 Emily Fri, 01 Feb 2008 16:35:35 +0000 http://selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/#comment-1540 BTW, I didn't mean to imply that going to the gym is a "personal indulgence." I think taking care of your body is very important to being a healthy, loving parent. I meant other errands (like manicures and pedicures) would be personal indulgences that you should be able to do on occasion, but shouldn't take up all day. That's just my opinion. I am a girly-girl, but don't find much pleasure in those sorts of indulgences...mainly because they are expensive and I'm cheap. BTW, I didn’t mean to imply that going to the gym is a “personal indulgence.” I think taking care of your body is very important to being a healthy, loving parent. I meant other errands (like manicures and pedicures) would be personal indulgences that you should be able to do on occasion, but shouldn’t take up all day. That’s just my opinion. I am a girly-girl, but don’t find much pleasure in those sorts of indulgences…mainly because they are expensive and I’m cheap.

]]> By: Emily http://www.selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/comment-page-1/#comment-1542 Emily Fri, 01 Feb 2008 16:30:19 +0000 http://selfmademom.net/2008/01/30/a-different-kind-of-mommy-guilt/#comment-1542 Sara, I think it is all about balance. I am not fortunate enough to have a housekeeper or nanny, but I do have grandparents that live close by and many friends. I will admit that my husband works very long hours and there are many days when he doesn't see our daughter for more than an hour, if that. It isn't really by choice, but it is what it is while he is in grad school. I, therefore, have to pick up the slack...and that is often times overwhelming. When I need to go to get my hair cut or run longer errands, I can leave my daughter with her grandparents. SO, in essence, I guess I do have a nanny--it's just that mine is free! I will also admit that I do not leave my daughter with her grandparents as often as I should. Many days I yearn for adult interaction (hence phone calls to my friend Kelly) and would LOVE to just be able to go to the grocery by myself or go to the gym (which we don't even have a membership to since I would never be able to go). Part of the reason I don't get out is because it is taxing emotionally on my daughter to be separated from me, but then on the other hand, it is good for her to not be with me and see that being with other caregivers is ok. I think if you can find a good balance between how much time feels "right" for you to be away and how much time feels "right" for you to be at home. For me, I would love to have someone come over once a week, but some people might want it more often (like if you are really committed to going to the gym, etc.). I just wouldn't spend hours and hours at the gym. An hour or so is enough for you to feel exercised up, but not guilty for being excessive with your personal indulgences. You just have to listen to your own emotions. I, again, would love to leave more frequently, but I know my mommy guilt would flare up if I left more than I currently do. That's just how I am, but each person is different and you shouldn't feel badly about the way you feel! Sara, I think it is all about balance. I am not fortunate enough to have a housekeeper or nanny, but I do have grandparents that live close by and many friends. I will admit that my husband works very long hours and there are many days when he doesn’t see our daughter for more than an hour, if that. It isn’t really by choice, but it is what it is while he is in grad school. I, therefore, have to pick up the slack…and that is often times overwhelming. When I need to go to get my hair cut or run longer errands, I can leave my daughter with her grandparents. SO, in essence, I guess I do have a nanny–it’s just that mine is free! I will also admit that I do not leave my daughter with her grandparents as often as I should. Many days I yearn for adult interaction (hence phone calls to my friend Kelly) and would LOVE to just be able to go to the grocery by myself or go to the gym (which we don’t even have a membership to since I would never be able to go). Part of the reason I don’t get out is because it is taxing emotionally on my daughter to be separated from me, but then on the other hand, it is good for her to not be with me and see that being with other caregivers is ok. I think if you can find a good balance between how much time feels “right” for you to be away and how much time feels “right” for you to be at home. For me, I would love to have someone come over once a week, but some people might want it more often (like if you are really committed to going to the gym, etc.). I just wouldn’t spend hours and hours at the gym. An hour or so is enough for you to feel exercised up, but not guilty for being excessive with your personal indulgences. You just have to listen to your own emotions. I, again, would love to leave more frequently, but I know my mommy guilt would flare up if I left more than I currently do. That’s just how I am, but each person is different and you shouldn’t feel badly about the way you feel!

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