There are two things I’ve been thinking about lately. First, I think my last post about quitting one’s job may have been a little bit bullish. The smart and sassy Kim brought my bullish-ness to my attention when she remembered something I said a long time ago – that re-entry into the workforce wouldn’t be an issue for me because of my fabulous part-time arrangement. She thought I had it all figured out. I think basically I sound like a big asshat. (Truth be told, my word du jour is “daft prick” but I’ll save that discussion for another day.)
Did I really mean to be so confident about my chances of re-entry? Because I didn’t. I guess I didn’t forsee the whole part-time work thing not working out the way I planned and that I’d be getting more itchy over time for some real work. And yes, I admit it. I’m now really itchy for more work and sort of feeling more unsure about my possibilities than ever.
Which brings me to dinner parties. (Yes, these two topics are related, they really are.)
Whenever I go to a dinner party for my husband’s work I always get a case of the insecurities. He works with so many smart, engaging and interesting people, that I’m always worried about how it’s going to look when I answer the question,
So, do you work?
Not that they care, nor do I really care what they think. But I really wasn’t in the mood to discuss the mommy wars with the really smart lawyers around the room.
So imagine my delight when another SAHM at the dinner party sat right across the table from me on the other side of a really smart lawyer. She was older, wiser, had somehow gotten her kids into private school. Wow, I thought, I hit the dinner party jackpot.
But all we ended up talking about was potty training, after school activities, and playgroups. I kept trying to include the really smart lawyer to my left involved in the discussion, but really, what 60-year-old man wants to engage with two neurotic Jewish moms?
Any bullish feeling I had about myself evaporated at the table last night just like that chocolate mousse cake off my plate (my g-d was it good.) I left wishing I had more to add to the conversation than my thoughts about the Ferber method.
There’s always the next party, I guess. Either that, or I’m going to have to become a really good liar.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh gosh, I didn’t mean to sound obnoxious. Things often don’t go as we planned. I think most of us can look back to a time when younger and more confident because we did not know or could not comprehend the challenges that lay (lie?) ahead.
I remember talking with a recently retired friend of my moms around the time I was finishing college. I was eager and ready to take on the world in a way that now seems trite and predictable. I remember telling her that I wanted to know what was in my path and what would become of me as I began adult life. “No,” she shook her head and sighed in her wizened way. “No, you absolutely don’t.”
Oy. Listen to me. It’s clear I’m in the 40+ crowd.
Oh my goodness! Do any of us have it “all figured out”?
Umm, of course not. All we have to go on is the info we have.
I say, never ever lose that self-confidence. That’s mistake #1 for moms who have left the workforce. I wrote a post about this very thing a few weeks ago.
You’re just as talented and smart as you ever were. Your days (much like mine…) are just a bit preoccupied with pooh
hey, don’t feel bad. I’m a practicing lawyer and a mom,
and I would so much rather discuss kid stuff at a dinner party than
lawyer stuff, that’s for sure! you should have no reason to feel
insecure, because you know you’re just as smart as anyone there.
sure, I know it’s healthy to not have ONLY our kids to talk about,
and to still be able to engage in adult conversations about current events,
hot topics, hollywood or whatever else. but in my opinion, it’s also
okay to talk about kids and recognize that that is the biggest thing
going on in your life right now, and that it’s very much your life’s
work at the moment, even if it won’t always be.
As someone who is about to step out of the workforce to stay home with the kiddos, I am enjoying the dialogue everyone is having and want to echo what another poster just wrote – I was fretting to my husband that when I quit, I’ll really have nothing to say to him at the end of the day and what if I become boring. He pointed out that he’d much rather hear about what the girls were doing all day than whatever lame thing I’m doing at work or what some idiot said in the meeting. And I couldn’t believe I needed him to remind me of that. I’m not curing diseases or ending world wars over here- so really hearing about the kids is more interesting at this point in time.
Came back to read the other comments.
The last one reminded me of this guy I knew in college. He was a barista at Starbucks and would tell these LONG and involved stories that ended with zingers like, “…and she pulled the shot at 23 seconds instead of 30 seconds. What a moron.”
Yeah, hearing about kids (anyone’s kid) would have definitely been far more interesting!
You should not feel intimidated or insecure at all when faced with the question “Do you work?”
As an at-home dad I get this question a lot too. I answer it with, “Yes, I do! I work hard! My bosses are very demanding, but I’ve never had a more satisfying job or a job that I could be more proud of.” (That’s not to say I don’t have my ups and downs with it. Every job does, right?) If they are slightly interested in taking the conversation further, they’ll ask what it is that I do, then I’ll tell them I am an At-Home Dad.
I think it’s all in the context where the question comes from. Not so much DO you work, but WHERE do you work? or WHAT do you do for work?
But, like Grace said, I’d rather talk about the kids too, than hear about stories like the barista.