I’m just starting to appreciate the joys of being pregnant again. I’m halfway through now, the heartburn is a’ ragin, and the comments are a’ comin.
You know, the, “oh you look so cute,” “are you excited?” “what are you having?” kind.
And then, the one that irks me the most.
“You look really small.”
Normally, a pregnant lady would be happy to be called small. I gained 40 pounds with my son and although I am tall, I still looked akin to a person who swallowed three giant watermelons. So no one was saying I looked small the first time around.
But this time, for some odd reason, I’ve gained less weight and have worked out more and am feeling better and, well, I guess I’m smaller. But it’s bugging me.
I know in 4 months I’ll wish I looked this big.
With everything that went wrong with my last pregnancy, the last thing I need is feeling anymore insecure. And when people tell you something that’s not typical about your pregnancy size, it can make an agitated and neurotic pregnant lady (hello, me!) a little more nervous. And, as some of us know, pregnancy brings out the worst commenters in all of us.
On that note, we didn’t find out what we were having gender-wise. We like the element of surprise (although I like the element of planning as well, but I gave up that fight.) But you can’t imagine the annoying conversations I’ve had to endure about the gender of my unborn.
I guess this is the dirty secret of pregnancy. When you have a boy first, everyone assumes that you want a girl second. It’s like if you are only going to have two kids, (hello, me again!) you must have one of each to have the ”perfect” family. One mom last week, when I told her everything was okay and healthy with the baby (which to some of us IS the ONLY thing that matters), told me “I’ll pray for a girl for you.” Huh?
Since when did gender and the apparent disappointment that comes with it become such an issue? My OB even shared a story with me about a patient he has who is pregnant with her third boy and became hysterical at the news. Really? Hysterical?
Maybe I’m jaded because of my previous loss, but there will be no crying here whatsoever the gender of my unborn may be. Only tears of joy. And the occasional hormonal crying outburst that has been happening from laughing too hard at old episodes of How I Met Your Mother. (Which, by the way, if you’re not watching yet, you are TOTALLY missing out.)
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I think you look great. And I LOVE How I Met Your Mother.
Steph
My favorite answer to, “Is it a boy or a girl?”
“Yes”.
Ugh. My (now former) mother-in-law never forgave me for not giving her a grandson “to carry on the name.” It apparently was my fault because I didn’t want a boy enough. I had the audacity to care only that my babies were healthy.
The size thing drove me nuts too. During my third pregnancy people constantly told me how big I was. The baby was 8lb. 3 oz. During my fourth pregnancy people told me I was very small. The baby was 8 lb 6 oz.
Really, the only thing one should say to a pregnant woman is “You look beautiful. I’m so happy for you!”
When people asked me what I was having, I usually answered “a baby.”
Sometimes I added that I hoped it wasn’t kittens. I was just grateful to be pregnant, finally.
We didn’t find out with either child and loved it. When I ask about gender – because I do ask – I am thrilled when someone says they don’t know and I feel as if I have an instant kinship. Just food for thought for the people who get annoyed at that inquiry.
I had a boy first as well and was surprised to have a girl second. I actually wanted another boy – it was the known aspect to me. I knew little boys… baby girls scared me. But yes, everyone instantly assumed we wanted a girl. And they also (my pet peeve) assume that now that we have one of each we are done having kids because that would be the ultimate goal, right? The verdict is still out on #3 for us.
Congratulations!
Pregnancy definitely brings around it’s own brand of crazy. I don’t understand the “small” comment either… or they way some people assume it’s a compliment.
I hope you continue to have a great pregnancy!
I completely agree that we should be grateful for just a healthy child. I just lost my first last week and can’t tell you (well, I don’t have to) how much it has shaken me. I’m so happy and encouraged that you’re having such a healthy pregnancy this time.
You look great! I’m noticing I’m smaller this time around too – or maybe it’s just “normal” since I gained close to 50lbs (I stopped looking at the scale at a certain point) last time around. The reactions about having another boy are interesting, too…I really wasn’t disappointed, but a lot of people seem to think I should be.
The only opinion you need to listen to is your doc’s! Congrats again!
I totally hear you on the gender issue. Before we got pregnant, Hubby’s parents had 5 grandkids–ALL girls. So when our bun was in the oven, everyone was, of course, pulling for a boy (and assumed we wanted a boy, too)… when the only thing I wanted was a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.
Well, we added another granddaughter to the mix. But I LOVE my baby girl and wouldn’t trade her for all the baby boys in the world.
As much as I really want to get pregnant again, I am not at all ready to endure the “I hope it’s a boy!” comments.
I hear ya, all around. Especially on the gender thing. (Although I think it’s natural for people to assume that families might want a variety of sexes, even though at base most people don’t really care whether they’re having a boy or girl.) What really irks me are the more sexist, or should I say, “blood line” or “last name” related comments that people make about the desire to have a son – as if we are living in Britain in feudal times.
I will say, as for the size thing, you have to admit, there’s no winning with that one. At least when someone says “you’re small” (not thinking about how that may make you paranoid or otherwise affect you), their sentiment is more in line with a societal preference for thinness, where telling a woman she is skinny (when not pregnant) is generally considered a compliment.
At least you’re not like me who is getting lovely comments like, “you’re huge!” from strangers in the elevator at work. Or, “wow, you’re getting bigger everyday!” (duh) from my coworkers, who of course are only pointing out the obvious (one does tend to get bigger during the course of pregnancy) and not understanding how that might make someone feel flat out fat!
You’re right – everyone would be better off keeping their mouths shut, but in their defense, thre’s no way to win when it comes to size comments.
You look fantastic!!!
Oh the ‘perfect family’ comments bug me sooo much! We didn’t found out either, but once our son was born that was all we heard from everyone! Because, yes if I ended up with 2 daughters it would have somehow been less perfect !?! Anyway, the icing on the cake was when my father-in-law came to visit us in the hospital. He told me he had spent the last nine months praying that it was a boy, and he ‘won’. Um, ok.