My worst fears have come true — people are pitying me for having two boys. It’s like a Pavlov reaction when they find out I also have an older son:
- A look of disappointment washes over their face.
- They immediately say something ridiculous like, “oh, you have your hands full!” (Doesn’t anyone with a newborn have his/her hands full?)
- Then the clincher – “so, are you going to try for a girl?”
I didn’t think there was any reason for me to feel anything but joy until someone told me that having two boys is like the worst possible parenting combination. You should have seen the eye roll the woman at the hair salon gave me on Saturday when I told her I just had my second son.
What’s the big deal? So I won’t paint any walls pink. So I won’t know the names of all the Disney princesses. Oh my, what will my life be like without Ariel, Belle and Cinderella? (Oh cool, I do know the princesses’ names.)
I know plenty of moms who have “just two boys” and seem to be doing fine. But I know some people who aren’t fine with it. Like a friend of mine’s wife who cried when she found out she was having her third boy. Or one of my babysitters, who has two boys and insisted I try for that beloved “girl.” Girls are easier, she said. Really? I think easy is based on the kid, not the gender, but that’s just me.
Or what about that recent episode of 30 Rock where Tracy Jordan kept begging his wife for a third baby, a GIRL. That’s the other thing that bugs me, just because you have two boys and want your third child to be a girl, it doesn’t mean it’s going to necessarily work out that way. Well, unless you live on TV.
However other people may feel, I’m embracing my life of testosterone. I’m looking forward to a house filled with scraggly hair, dirty fingernails, bellowing voices and stinky socks. Assuming I’m totally finished having children (which at this point seems like the likely outcome), I’m only really going to feel bad when no one will go with me to see bad chick flicks. But then again, that just means I won’t have to share my popcorn.
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
Two boys, two girls, one of each – does it matter? Are they healthy? Plus, you get to skip the whole teenage-girl-hating-her-mom angst, PMS and bitchiness. No pity here.
As the mother of 2 girls, I think there’s some truth to the theory that girls are easier, more compliant toddlers and preschoolers. But I know my comeuppance will arrive with puberty. If what I put my mother through is any indication of the possibilities, dear Lord, I’m scared.
Now what I wonder is… IF gender selection was a common in the US as it is in Indian and China, would we have a glut of girls?
One more thought. Do people “try for that boy?” It’s a question I don’t think I’VE ever been asked.
I just had my second son in August, and we didn’t find out the sex until he was born. People are asking me if I’m disappointed to have a second boy. NO!!! I’m not disappointed to have a second HEALTHY HAPPY child, no matter what the gender. Personally, I wanted another boy, because flash forward 13 years and imagine the drama! Although, it would be nice to have child that could pee INTO the toilet and not ON it…
All the best to you with your two boys, who will no doubt be best buddies in a couple years
Isn’t it suprising what people will say? You have two healthy, beautiful children – enough said!
Oh honey, you can never have too many men loving you!
By the way… Congratulations on healthy, happy, baby #2!!!
If you had two girls, people would be asking you if were gonna try for a boy. People are nosy idiots who think it’s totally acceptable to say inappropriate things.
Besides, everyone knows that you’re supposed to wait a few months after the baby is born before you start asking all these questions. The pain of labor is still fresh in a mother’s mind; she’ll never tell the truth about going for #3~
Congrats on #2. Two boys sounds perfectly lovely to me.
I love my two girls, but I hear I’ll be crying once they become teenagers. Funny, no one’s ever asked me about “trying for a boy” but I have thought about it.
Back in the day, my mom said she “tried” for a boy… because she already had me, a girl. But I haven’t actually heard anyone talk about that since. Gracie, I love your logic and Robyn, you wouldn’t believe the amount of people asking me if we’re having more kids already – it’s madness.
Wow- I have to say I was probably at my best when I just had my two boys. It’s a PERFECT combination in my opinion. Of course when we were *pregnant* with our third people asked the girl questions and when we knew it would be another boy people said stupid things. But I am surprised you are hearing it with two. Two boys are such blessings! Some people are so clueless.
And so yeah, after three boys and then having a girl, it’s all we hear anymore- the boys are ignored and people exclaim “You finally got your girl!”
Oh well.
Steph
Personally, I’m terrified to have a girl because of the karma. And, my husband is one of 3 boys and it’s the greatest sibling relationship ever and they take such great care of their mom. Plus, no one will steal your expensive moisturizer. You’re good to go.
After having my boy, I was hoping for a second boy. I knew what to expect and I had some damn cute boy clothes that needed to be reused! Oh and I remembered being a 13 year old girl. Like I wanted one of those… yikes.
I ended up with my second being a girl. My annoyance was when people would say (and they still say), “oh that is so nice you have one of each, you’re done now!” (I am? We haven’t really cemented the decision one way or another.)
A friend with two boys always says, “I love it. Who wouldn’t want three wonderful men adoring me?” We hear the opposite. We hear, “Don’t you wish one of your twins was a boy? Then you’d be done with your family.” I don’t know when having children of each sex became the perfect family, but I wish it would go away already. We’re lucky to have our two. Believe me when I say we never fretted about which sex they were going to be.
One other thought…
A girlfriend who tried for a boy ended up with three girls. It doesn’t always work the way you want.
There’s the rub- you get what you get and you don’t get upset!
It blows my mind the number of people who ask me if I want to try for a girl. The people who assume I can’t be happy having two boys, and no daughter to bond with over shopping and manis/pedis.
It’s crap. Boys are wonderful. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I really do love having two boys. People say its quieter to have girls, I dont believe that is all together true, and I wouldnt have it any other way.
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE having a boy. I knew he was going to be a boy from the second I was pregnant. I remember someone saying… “But, don’t you want to atleast hope for a girl?” I really can’t understand why someone would think that way. Plus, I can’t tie a bow to save my life.
Yep, I’m one of the founding members of the Chicago Moms of Boys Blogger Club. I, and most of my friends, generally regard boys as easier even well before puberty. Have you seen how cliquey a group of 4-year-old girls can be? Oh, the drama. I just have to deal with dirt and noise, oh, and witting in boy pee every morning….
I have one boy and plans to have a few more kids. I know plenty of mothers – and fathers – who have hoped for girls or expressed disappointment at not getting one. Not I. I love my boy, and I like plenty of others. I’ll take what I get and be glad for it. How awful to be the boy who resulted from a “try for a girl!”
I feel your pain. My youngest son is two and the “are you going to try again for a girl” comments have just started to wain. What people don’t know (or understand) is that i’ve always wanted two boys! I love the adventure, the fearlessness and energy that comes with boys. plus the bond between same sex siblings is so powerful, you have a built-in best friend, partner and confidant for life. I think moms as women are just more sensitive to having girls. Ask a man and more times than not he will want a boy. Naturally, we want to share our interest and live our dreams through our little mini-mes. You can’t ask why I didn’t get a boy or a girl, you just need to know that this angel was brought into your life for a reason.
That is so annoying. When my 3rd child turned out to be a girl (after 2 boys) people are quick to assume that I got my wish. Huh?! I didn’t care if it was a girl or a boy!
I don’t know about girls being easy. Even my 2 boys were so different from each other. All those generalities are ridiculous. My girl is as energetic as my boys, and she’s easier on some things and harder on some.