Lull

In some ways I feel like life as I knew has come to a screeching halt. My “professional” work doing occasional freelance writing has dried up just like my milk supply.

It wasn’t totally intentional that I would stop writing and breastfeeding around the same time, but apparently, the less time I sit at my computer to write, the less milk I produce.

In my current, sleep-deprived state, I’m not necessarily missing conducting interviews while bouncing baby burrito  in his seat, or having engorged boobs in the morning. But, it’s nice to be needed. The cries of hunger that eminate from the crib can now be quenched by daddy, or nana, or just about anyone who I beg to come over to help so I can just. go. pee. I liked being the only one who provided nourishment for his little (not so little at 3 months) belly.

It’s also nice to use my brain. There’s only so much television I can watch in an afternoon (and the DVR makes it so much easier to pack it all in). As much as a small assignment stresses me out, I like having my BlackBerry calendar buzz with a calendar reminder of something other than “Get Diapers.” (Yes, I set calendar reminders for such things.)

Motherhood the second time around has brought me a lot of pride, not the least of which is that I felt comfortable enough to breastfeed in public multiple times, not anxious whatsoever to hide the baby under a terrific hooter hider. (FYI, as a Bravado Ambassador, I found it interesting that according to a recent Bravado Breastfeeding Information Council report, where, when and how to feed your baby away from home is a source of concern for many new breastfeeding moms. Up to 30 percent state that having to breastfeed in public creates anxiety for themselves and their spouses.)

I also felt I could conquer more than perhaps I could. Having two kids decreased the amount of free time I had by a factor of like 70, not two. And such, I can’t really feel good about myself putting the baby on the activity mat and the older in front of the television just so I can write up a few paragraphs.

At least not yet.

I’m in a bit of a personal and professional lull and I’m thinking that’s probably okay for now. While my lack of milk will be a permanent change to my body, the professional well will fill up again as soon as I can see QWWERTY straight on my keyboard again. (See! A typo on QWERTY!)

They don’t stay babies forever, and so if I’m not being needed in the same way, I’ll take what I need for now.  A little lull.