You all know I’ve been trying to live more “green,” but my efforts are just resulting in another big G: Guilt. Every time I’m not being green I feel guilty.
Green Guilt - it’s almost as bad as the Jewish or mommy kind. Trust me on this one.
I can’t use a plastic bag without wondering where it will go after I’ve disposed of it. The paper towel roll looks at me with a sad face each time I rip a sheet off. The never-ending pile of cardboard boxes leftover from baby gifts is becoming tragic. I read articles, like this one from Time magazine (thanks, Allison) and go apoplectic that everything I’m using in my house will kill me and my children one day. Who can live with that?
And don’t get me started about the inlaws who were in town this weekend. I tried to dissuade them from water bottle, paper plate and plastic silverware use, but it fell on mostly deaf ears. I love them dearly, but they make a lot of waste.
I keep trying to be better about my environmental footprint, but time, energy and unintelligible ingredient lists (on both natural and chemical-laden products) keep weighing me down. For instance, I bought the Korres and Boscia beauty products at Ulta to replace all my over-the-counter-crapola and found out that really, they’re not as natural as I thought. $185 later it didn’t seem worth it to shlep with the baby all the way back down to the store for a few misguided chemicals. Maybe in 25 years when my skin turns blue I’ll regret it, but last Tuesday it seemed the rationale decision.
It’s all just getting to be a little much. I drive the hybrid car. I try to keep up with the movers and shakers in the green world to stay on top of trends. I don’t use plastic in excess. I just spent a gazillion dollars on the most eco-green-reusable-phlalate-BPA-free lunch bag for my son possible.
But I can’t be Green perfect.
I am never going to buy unbleached, rough toilet paper. I like my triple-ply Charmin Ultra. I’m never going to cloth diaper my baby; I just think it wastes water anyway. I’ve switched all our home cleaning products to more natural-formulated versions of the original, but sometimes I just want to use a freaking Clorox wipe to get the kiddie poop out of the toilet. I bring my own shopping bags to the grocery store, but often I’ve forgotten them and have to ask for more.
I guess as all things, it’s about compromises, and so instead of feeling guilty all the time, I’m just going to compromise on my green life. If I can walk, I will (see: yesterday’s 5 pm shlep back from the park.) If I can do the organic, locally-grown meal, of course I’ll choose that. But, hey, I grew up on McDonald’s and Domino’s pizza every weekend and I turned out okay I guess.
The Green Guilt is getting to me, but it will not overcome me.
{ 1 trackback }
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
A few years ago I read an article about the (now former) enviromental manager for the City of Chicago. After reading about how he recycles his sponges, fixed his toilet to use less water, requested recycled baby gifts, etc., I just gave up. It was too much for me to process. I do the best I can and then move on. No one is perfect in any aspect of life. I’ve given up trying to be super-green and just settled in at “green as I can be.”
I so understand what you go through! I go through the same guilt everytime!> Yes, i do carry my bag to the grocery store (and feel terrible cos i always need 1/2 extra plastic bags) and yes, the paper towels do look at me with a long face. And i did spend a bunch of money to buy BPA free lunchboxes..
And am i tired of this guiltrip!! Cos there are few organic things and all this research and overspending is killing me!! So a few months ago, i reached your same conclusion.. The idea is to do our best, not kill ourselves while trying to be perfect!!
Take Care!!
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Perfection shouldn’t be the goal, because then we will all fail. You know you’re greener than you once were. Celebrate that. Praise yourself for the little things you’re doing, and don’t beat yourself up for the things you’re not. Relative to many Americans, your life sounds pretty green to me.
Example from my own life: I cloth diaper (and happen to love it, and happen to disagree with your water argument), but I also frequently drive to work even though I live in a place where public transit is a viable option.
It’s all a series of personal choices – you have to do what works for you in any given situation, right?
I suffer from the guilt also. I just wanted to tell you that due to the content of the previous paragraphs, I read “It’s all just getting to be a little much” as “It’s all just getting to be a little MULCH”. I wondered if mulch was a solution you were about to explain.
Thankyou for your honest and thoughtful post. It is so easy to get caught up in the green movement, and often, it becomes all too much and we give up. You nailed it on the head, though; give up the guilt and do the best we can, and in that way we will start to change the world.
Thanks for the support! There’s a fine line and I just try to be as good as I can!