Remember (anyone?) when I said I was going to wait 10 years to tell my son about the reality of Christmas? Well, my past has now become my reality.
It’s been four years, but I think I’ve kept my son in the Christmas closet for too long. It all started earlier this month when watching a football game that showed a Bears-loving Santa in the crowd, my son asked my husband, “Who’s that?” We looked at each other incredulously – our kid doesn’t know Santa?
Now he knows that there’s a holiday called “Christmas” or, at least, that there are people with that sound in their name. “Mommy?” he asked me last week, “Jewish people have a lot more holidays than Christmas people.”
Why yes, we do.
This ignorance over Christmas is not intentional, I swear. Yes, he is attending a Jewish Day School where Halloween is banned like Lindsay Lohan from a pub. But it’s not like I’ve banished all things Christmas from my house. I, mean, offered the opportunity for him to watch “Diego Christmas.” When I was my son’s age, I used to decorate the banana plant in the living room with charm necklaces and we used to leave out cookies for Santa. My parents, not wanting us to lack for anything I think would even put gifts out on the fireplace mantle.
We’re not getting that crazy over here.
But I am feeling badly that my kiddo doesn’t understand anything about Christmas. Literally nothing. Not the elves. A mere mention of Rudolf fell on deaf ears.
I was in a real pickle when I brought up a little explanation of Santa. His questions were challenging:
“What does he do?”
“How does he know about the gifts?”
“Where does he get the gifts?”
“How does he get the gifts to the kids?”
“Is he real?”
See what I mean? A pickle. My good friend said it was a smart question. I said it just put me in the worst situation possible: create a vision of Christmas for my son who wasn’t ever going to celebrate it, or ruin the imaginary figure who he doesn’t quite care about, but what every kid wants to pretend exists.
I told him Santa wasn’t real.
And then promptly told him to lie to all of his friends (not many these days) who celebrate Christmas because they think he’s real.
I just totally stole Christmas.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
This post was very interesting to me, as someone who is “Christmas people.” First off, I think it’s great that he has no clue about it all in a way, because it means it’s not really bothering him that other people are celebrating something that he’s not. Second, I’ve wondered the same thing in reverse. When will my Christmas-celebrating, raised in a Christian home daughter realize that not everyone believes the same things? Obviously, I think that’s an important thing to understand, and one day when she’s old enough I expect her to make her own choices about what to believe. But when they’re very little, I think it’s totally understandable to just focus on your own religion or culture – one thing at a time, right? It would be confusing to throw too much at them at once. (I can’t help but giggle when my daughter conflates the Santa/Rudolph stuff with the God/Jesus stuff. Who can blame her?)
I don’t know how I’d react to the “is Santa real?” coming from a 4 year old, though, because I’m sure you’re sensitive and don’t want to ruin the fantasy for other 4 year olds and their families (though that may not be a big risk or a big subset of people in your case). Maybe I’d say he’s not real like you or me, but that he’s like a character just like Dora or Big Bird, but that for some families it is part of their tradition to receive gifts from Santa just like you receive gifts from Mommy and Daddy. ??? I don’t know. I guess if I were Jewish I might just go with a simple, “No, he’s not real.” I think when my daughter asks if he’s real someday I’ll go with the standard throwing it back on her: “What do *you* think?” ; )
As evidence that the universe keeps everything in balance, I’ve been trying to explain Hanukkah to my Catholic children
I got the basics… I think. Candles and prayers. Eight nights. Maccabees… but somehow, I think I failed in explaining why Jewish people do this and Christians do that, and what Santa has to do with the birth of Christ. Plus, we live among a big Indian population which celebrate Dawalii, their own festival of lights. For now, my son (also four) seems to be taking it all as a matter of course. I think he knows better than to mess with the sweet deal that is Santa.
In any case, I don’t think you could steal something that your son never had. You’re simply honoring your traditions, while respecting those of others. It was considerate of you to ask him to keep the truth about Santa a secret for the sake of the other kids.
I appreciate the feedback! I love the idea of telling him Santa’s like “Dora” – and Grace, I think explaining Hanukkah is way more difficult! Good luck.
I’ve been thinking about this since you mentioned this the other day. I’m really surprised he’s so oblivious to christmas. DD1′s school spends a lot of time on all holidays, hannukah included. She came home with sparkly menorah that she made, singing songs, explaining the holiday to me. I think it’s great that they learn about many cultures. I think I take issue with telling such a young kid that Santa isn’t real – why not just divert it? Is it realistic for him to understand it isn’t real for him but it’s real and he brings presents for others? Because unless he’s never around non-Jewish kids, do you really want to have the kid that ruins the innocence and happiness Santa brings to other kids? In other words, he better not come to my house and tell my kids that Santa and the Easter Bunny aren’t real – because they are very real and very exciting to them!!