While my friends and the prominent bloggers of the land write their great prose about what’s in store for mom bloggers in 2012, I thought I’d take the time and opportunity to predict what non- mom bloggers might expect this year. Because, as much as we’d all like to think that the world is surrounded by mom bloggers, and while the numbers continue to multiply every darn day, what for the moms who don’t vlog, blog, tweet or Klout? Aren’t they people too? Herewith, my 2012 predictions for moms, in general:
1) Moms everywhere will still have to contend with carpool lines. Even though we live in an age where I can turn off my lights remotely by my phone, school officials still cannot find a way for me to get my child in an efficient and less-of-a-time-suckage manner. Anyone at Apple want to build an app for that?
2) Target will continue to be a money pit for things we need and many we don’t. Moms will continue to stroll the aisles aiming to buy only diapers, but walk out with $150 of things they don’t need, including a really ugly flannel shirt that pilled after one wearing. (Who, me?)
3) Moms will continue to debate whether or not they should sleep-train, breastfeed, swaddle, buy organic, turn the car seat around, and generally listen to every piece of ass-vice from every parenting expert or self-proclaimed one.
4) After debating topics in 3), moms will continue to second-guess their choice.
5) Facebook will replace baby books.
6) No matter what they will tell you to the contrary, every mom in 2012 will somehow or another have six-degrees of separation with a “Real Housewife of [fill in the city here]. Those chicas multiply like crazy, I tell you.
7) Moms, in general, will never look like Heidi Klum post-partum after four kids.
8 ) I repeat, you will never look like Heidi Klum post-partum after four kids. It’s just not humanly possible.
9) Words With Friends will replace actual conversations with friends.
10) In 2012, moms everywhere will still be crying about their colicky baby, whining about their husbands, and lying to their friends about how they look after another night up with their newborn. They’ll also happily take that colicky baby off your hands for awhile so you can get a manicure. After all, moms know how another mom feels, right?
I guess, some things never change after all.