From the category archives:

Working Moms

See Me Read from See Mom Run

by selfmademom on November 22, 2009 · 2 comments

seemomrun Nothing like ignoring your blog for 10 days while in newborn hell heaven. And nothing like remembering while in such newborn hell heaven that in about 13 days, you have to get up in front of a crowded room at a public place and read something you wrote that was published in a book.

I hope I remember to shower.

On December 3, catch me and popular writers Dawn Meehan and Vanessa Druckman (now I’m wondering how I fit in with these ladies AND how I’m going to remember to shower) at the Comedy Sportz Club in Chicago at 5 pm. Click here for RSVP and official invite.

And please, if you are kind enough to watch me make a fool of myself in a crowded room, please also be kind enough not to get to close to me. In case I really do forget to shower that day.

{ 2 comments }

Non working mom’s guilt

by selfmademom on July 23, 2009 · 1 comment

It’s a dilemma that comes up only once or twice a year, around the time certain conferences are scheduled, or I have a psuedo-business meeting. It’s the dreaded feeling of guilt, but of the non working mom kind. Like, the kind that says, do I really need to spend $300 to attend a conference for no other reason than it provides me a good excuse to get out of the house and interact with other like-minded women?

Yes, I do need that. But the other, Jewish-guilt ridden part of me feels badly that my son has to miss camp class and a swimming lesson tomorrow because I don’t want my part-time sitter to drag him around town. Or that my IRL friends are making play dates and movie dates and are wondering why I can’t join.

To escape from my household routine for only a mere 24 hours now seems like trying to arrange a ride on the space shuttle. When I was working, it wasn’t so logistically challenging or gut wrenching to leave. It was the norm. One-and-a-half years later, and my three-year-old keeps asking me where I’ll be tomorrow (a meeting.) Or why we needed to run to Fed Ex Office late yesterday to pick up stickers for “my party.” (This one was harder to explain.)

I know come Saturday, when I’m exhausted from parties and adult chatter and I have to entertain my child at ungodly morning hours these feelings will all be but a blip on my non-working radar. But right now I’m just feeling the pain of all moms. Guilt.

{ 1 comment }

And the mommy wars debate carries on…

by selfmademom on June 13, 2009 · 14 comments

Just when I think the mommy wars debate has died down, a popular, and somewhat controversial site has to go and dredge it all up again. In a recent Momversation webisode, some of the most formidable bloggers tackle the (why won’t it ever die?) headline “Are You a Stressed Working Mom?”

I rarely watch this type of online chattering, but when Y tweeted about the resurrection of a common mommy wars debate I had to tune in.

I’d say the episode doesn’t really deal with the stresses of working motherhood so much as it becomes a platform for the women to talk about why they work, how they can’t be SAHM (uhm, because apparently in the video all we do is play with trains for five hours a day), and the ins and outs of freelancing/ working from home. Included in the discussion is everyone’s favorite former work/ life balance guru Lisa Belkin of the New York Times who now authors the parenting blog, Motherlode, for the paper. There’s some discussion of the “freelance” career path and not becoming the next CEO, but overall, the conversation never reaches into those deep, dark depths of working motherhood like tearing yourself away from your kids to go to work when they are screaming, and guilt we all feel when we have to choose work over our children.

And this is where the debate began to rage.

Temporarily Me and Miss Zoot reacted strongly about the video. You can read the posts for yourselves, but at the core of the argument is that even if moms work, there are discernable differences between all the types of working moms and those who work outside of their house in an office have it harder (edited to add: Miss Zoot did not intend her post to read that way, and I totally see her point, now). (To the Momversation episode’s credit, Daphne, of Cool Mom is actually honest about what the internet’s version of working motherhood is: freelancing and blogging from home is not really all that stressful of an occupation.)

I’ve talked about all this before. Are you listening, internet? The mommy wars is old news.

Too bad it never dies. That’s because the choices we make as mothers are bound to conflict not only each other, but ourselves. It could be working or not, breastfeeding or not, feeding your kids organic foods or not- just about everything we do as mothers includes a choice we have to make that is inevitably going to piss someone off.

Unfortunately, though, many moms and dads don’t have a choice about whether or not they have to work. Those who don’t have a choice cannot help but feel anger towards moms who work at home living out their dream of writing, designing web sites, whatever. Likewise, the moms who work at home at “real” jobs, or doing these freelancing jobs think their situation is tough and that they have the stresses of all working moms as well.

Those of us like me who are just SAHM, well, we just suck all over the internet, don’t we. Because we just sit on our asses and eat bon bons all day long.

I’ve been around all the blocks possible with regards to working. I’ve worked at an office. I’ve worked at home. I’ve worked out of state. I’ve “freelanced.” I’ve not worked at all.

And guess what? None of it is easy and all of it is, well, gasp. WORK.

So I understand all sides of the debate. I understand those moms who are stressed out because they have to go to the office, but their kids have the flu and day care won’t take them so they are scrambling for child care. I get that. I get those moms who slow down their career path to keep themselves in the mix because they can’t stay home all day. I get those moms who work a ton even though they work from a virtual office at their house. I also get those moms who don’t want to work at all, but who freak out because their kids cry all day and they didn’t make it to the dry cleaners on time.

But what I don’t get? I don’t get why time after time, year after year, this “us” vs. “them” debate in the working mom world rears its ugly head. Yeah, the Momversation episode was totally slanted to a certain working mom demographic. But maybe that was its point. To show a sample of what’s out there. Because we all know “real” working moms just don’t have the time to film a five-minute internet show. (Just kidding, but you don’t, right?)

I know that no matter what anyone labels me, thinks, sneers at or is jealous of, that I’m glad I had the ability to make the career decisions I did. I don’t care if the WAHM or WOHM next door thinks I’m crazy because I enjoy playing with pretend airplanes ad nauseum. Because I made a choice, and it was my choice, and I’ll be damned if anyone is going to make me feel bad about it.

Tagged as: Momversation

{ 14 comments }

A sure sign I need to get a job

by selfmademom on April 9, 2009 · 7 comments

I had a meeting today. Like a real business meeting with real managers at a real company. Which meant that I actually took a shower, put on a button-down shirt and then attempted to put on “work pants” which didn’t exactly fit like I remembered. (It’s probably from all the sitting around and eating bon bons all day.)

It was like the good old days. I left my son screaming bloody murder (same scene, two years later), hurried out the door (forgot a notebook), and worried about my babysitter’s competency for the next two hours.

When the meeting was over, and because my old friend guilt came surging back to me, I rushed home so that I’d be around when my son got up from his nap. When he awoke, he was more startled by my outfit than by my presence. And now that he’s three, he can articulate as much.

Mommy, will you go put on a comfy shirt and sweatpants?

Why?

Because I want you to.

It was my worst nightmare come true. My son only thinks I wear sweatpants.

Have I been that lazy? Was it my undying love for lululemon? The fact that on most days I am not in “normal clothes” with makeup until about 12:30? (It’s not like he remembers I go to the gym when he’s in school. Those lululemon aren’t just for loungin’, folks.)

Whatever it was, I knew that I had to act fast. Even though mommy doesn’t have a real job, I can sure fake it every now and then with a good shirt and khakis.

So I rebelled and stayed in my “work outfit” all afternoon. (Boy, are button downs uncomfortable during bathtime.)

Young minds are certainly impressionable. And no kid of mine is going to think his mom belongs in sweatclothes. Every day.

{ 7 comments }

How to quit your job

by selfmademom on March 12, 2009 · 4 comments

I’m not good at many things, but one thing I know I did well was quit my job. In fact, I’m gonna go right out and say it. I’m really good at saying “no,” “I don’t think so,” “when monkeys fly out of my ass,” you know.

I’m an excellent quitter.

Once I decided to pull the plug, I did it, and didn’t look back. It may have costed me headaches freelance work, but whatever, I had decided I wanted to be a slave to the little man a full-time SAHM. And, so here I am, still changing adult-sized poops one year after I stormed into my old boss’s office and told her what’s what.

Why am I getting into all this now? Because I have a ton of friends who are ready to pull the plug (even in this economy) and they’re nervous as hell about what to do. So they call me because I once was like them, full of vim and vigor for the workplace only to have it sucked out of me like the squeegie-tool gets the snot out of a baby’s nose. They, like all boogers, want out. Any way they can.

But getting out is scary. Going from a cozy place, whether it be a nostril, or your sky-high office with well-paying job is scary. And here’s where I can help. (And where the squeegie-nostril analogy will end.)

(Almost.)

I’ve been thinking about it for awhile, as you can tell, and I think it’s time for my unsolicited advice for all my friends out there on how to psych yourself up to quit your job. (Drumroll, please.)

Once you have made the decision, STICK TO YOUR GUNS. Negotiating with your boss is a little lot like negotiating with your toddler. Giving in is sin. And what I mean by this is that if they want you to stay on a month and you want to give two weeks, split it in the middle and stay for three. Unless they’re gonna throw in some ridiculous hanger-on bonus or something.
Don’t worry about what you’re going to do after you quit. If you are quitting to spend more time with your kids, then maybe try that until you’re blue in the face from playing Candyland all day long. And then you’ll kick yourself for not being back at work. I’M JUST KIDDING. Nothing’s permanent. If it’s not working for you at home, I’m sure there are other jobs out there. Welcome to McDonald’s, can I help you?
I know, I know, you’re worried about child care. If you quit, you’ll lose your nanny, you can’t afford day care anymore, you don’t need the help. And you probably can’t or don’t. But really, who needs extra help when you get to spend every waking moment with that little ray of sunshine you call caffeine. I mean, really?
Really, you know yourself better than anyone else. You know what’s best for you. Not your cubemate, not the mail delivery guy, and no, not the barista on the first floor. When you’re ready to leave, you just know. Trust your gut. Even if it’s put on a few pounds in the last year.

Now go on, get! You’ll be happy, I promise. Just think, in a year, you’ll have mastered the SAHM thing just like I did: you’ll have figured out exactly how to force-your-child-to-sleep-all-afternoon-so-you-can-watch-your-favorite-shows-and-dick-around-on-your-computer-while-simultaneously-empyting-the-dishwasher.

It’s a beautiful thing.

Tagged as: quitting your job, SAHM